I hung up the phone from the doctor's office after receiving the result from my blood work. As I starred blankly at the wall, in a matter of mere seconds I went from feeling vindicated and thinking "I knew I wasn't crazy all these years I kept quietly feeling that something wasn't right with my body," to feeling hopeless, confused, and wondering "what next? Is this as good as my life will get? Will I ever get myself well again?"
The day I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, an autoimmune thyroid disease, was a day of many mixed emotions. At the time I was still waiting on more testing in the way of an ultrasounds to check for nodules that may need further treatment. Despite the massive size of my goiter I was lucky that they did not find any nodules. It was another small victory for my health. Yet, I couldn't help the overwhelming feelings of sadness, despair, and frustration. I was angry at myself for feeling this way too. I mean, how could I be so selfish as to feel sorry for myself when so many people have it so much worse. I realized though, in time, that it was ok to have those feelings because it was all part of the process of healing. Healing, emotionally and mentally as well and physically, would be a long process. A process I had only just begun.
After years, almost two decades, of feeling that something wasn't quite right with my body but always pushing my suspicions aside in fear of looking foolish, weak, or even like a hypochondriac, I did feel somewhat vindicated by the diagnosis. But that was very short lived. I knew now that there was a reason as to why I had progressively been feeling more miserable, exhausted, and struggling to deal with life; but this realization did very little for me without answers on how to make it better. Over the past year since my diagnosis, I have learned that you have to truly be an advocate for your own health and don't be afraid to questions doctors and look for new doctors that will better help you. Unfortunately, Ive also learned that this is neither an easy nor fast process. It is not always an easy journey to find yourself once you get so lost, but it is one well worth making. Most things in life that are worth while don't come easily!
This blog will share the many ups and downs that I have and will continue to experience along my journey to Finding Fabulous while embracing that I am Beautifully Broken. I am on this journey searching ways to heal my Hashimoto's, but also to become the best me I can be. I hope you join me on my journey and that I can inspire you to become the best version of you! We all face battles, challenges in life. Some of us face physical or health challenges; other face emotional & mental demons; and many of us face a fierce combination of these. No matter what life throws your way, you are the author of your own happiness. I can see my rainbow and its leading me out of the darkness. I hope to be a light for other, that they may see a brighter tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment